SuperTeam Bailout

As we all know the four legs that keep this Country standing are automobiles, banking, midget tossing, and soccer.  Two of the legs have quickly surrendered to the failing economy and midget tossing has been unavailable for comment.  So, by default, the world looks on to the one saving grace that has stood for millions of years … SOCCER.

Soccer has protected us from the complete collapse of our beloved nation.  Soccer has eased the pains of housewives and school children. Soccer has dried the tears of artisans and artists. Soccer makes us smile those pained smiles of the pained. And it is because of this the government has turned to us, Superteam, for help.

Some have asked if I was surprised by them asking us to bailout this country …. and to that question I answer, “Yes”. Surprised they did not ask sooner.

Superteam has become world renowned as one of the most well-branded and highly-trusted multi-billion dollar corporations that aren’t worth multi-billions. As you well know, Superteam Corp is best known for the fast-food, day-old sushi chains, international Ponzi schemes, and average-male escort services that not only garner the highest ratings in their respective fields, but are literally greasing the wheels of the economy with their general greasiness.

But even with all these accolades, it is on the soccer field where Superteam will fight and beat this global financial crisis.  That’s right, starting this Saturday, Superteam has put together a stimulus package of 17 middle-aged men that will, through mediocre skill, and limited muscle,  and a surprising lack of facial hair, bring back what this country so needs … in a word: HOPE.