Who is large and scary but rarely at a game?

The answer at the end of the post…

Do you know what really pisses me off? People who don’t call and let us know they will not be at the game. These types of people ought to shampoo my crouch. Is it that hard to pick the phone and say “hey I am a penis and cannot make it to the game”. No its not. Will I ever get tired of complaining of this problem with our team? No!

Answer: Grant Riddle. Really buddy lets call or go purchase some Pert Plus cuz that stuff tingles.

I am sure you have all heard of Rocky Ashton; you should, he plays for Superteam. In my most recent IM, Rocky told me that he would not be able to attend Game Seven. I was in shock and let me tell you why.

The informality of telling me through an instant message. I mean really where is the tact. Do I want to hear news like this in digital format? No. Grow some and come to me in person.

I was amazed that Rocky even used a computer. I mean really I think we can all remember his run at being goalie so I thought he might be a little special in the head and unaware of how to use technology.

When asked why he was not going to attend the game he said “going to a cabin with my gay friends” …

There has been an apocryphal story circulating around town that most SuperTeam players are avid Coke drinkers. This horrific rumor has brought much distress to the players, and of course Pepsi, our sponsor. With this one post I intend to set the record straight. We drink Coke but we choose Pepsi. Why? Good question; let me go into detail:

Coke: Tastes good
Pepsi: Tastes like Carbonated poop

The only reason we choose Pepsi is because they provided our soccer shirts, but they forgot to include numbers, cheap sons of #$*&%@%! Ok so it turns out the story is true. So if you are reading this Pepsi you now know the truth, and we can take whatever punishment you want to give us. We will be ok because we have back-up jerseys sponsored by the color gray.

 
When Super Team loses a game they like to sit around and discuss what could have been done differently and what was missing. In our effort to find out what was the missing key that might have lifted our team to victory; someone always says, “Where was Josh Stewart?” We all have a good laugh at that because it’s obvious he could never help our team to victory, but it does raise the question, “Where the hell is Josh Stewart?” Superteam.com has investigated into his random absences and has found nothing except the following:  

He has paid only half of his dues. 
He has been seen many a Friday night knee deep in Vodka singing “you gotta have faith” …

Hey if you can’t make it to a game, don’t bother telling us. Really it’s too much effort for you to call and for us to answer. We don’t care if you can’t make it to a game. I mean really if you have played a game where you have a full team with subs I think you would understand it’s just not worth it. We like the surprise of arriving to the game and having only 7 players total. Subs are overrated and we would rather run till we throw up. So if you have time to call and let us know that you cannot make it to a game, use that time for something more productive and selfish I mean really its all about you anyway.