As we all know the four legs that keep this Country standing are automobiles, banking, midget tossing, and soccer.  Two of the legs have quickly surrendered to the failing economy and midget tossing has been unavailable for comment.  So, by default, the world looks on to the one saving grace that has stood for millions of years … SOCCER.

Soccer has protected us from the complete collapse of our beloved nation.  Soccer has eased the pains of housewives and school children. Soccer has dried the tears of artisans and artists. Soccer makes us smile those pained smiles of the pained. And it is because of this the government has turned to us, Superteam, for help.

Some have asked if I was surprised by them asking us to bailout this country …. and to that question I answer, “Yes”. Surprised they did not ask sooner.

Superteam has become world renowned as one of the most well-branded and highly-trusted multi-billion dollar corporations that aren’t worth multi-billions. As you well know, Superteam Corp is best known for the fast-food, day-old sushi chains, international Ponzi schemes, and average-male escort services that not only garner the highest ratings in their respective fields, but are literally greasing the wheels of the economy with their general greasiness.

But even with all these accolades, it is on the soccer field where Superteam will fight and beat this global financial crisis.  That’s right, starting this Saturday, Superteam has put together a stimulus package of 17 middle-aged men that will, through mediocre skill, and limited muscle,  and a surprising lack of facial hair, bring back what this country so needs … in a word: HOPE.

Many speculated that SuperTeam was going pro, leaving Salt Lake and not looking back.

Many thought our players would snatch up million dollar deals nationally and internationally.

The rumors of endorsements and money corrupting the hearts of the brilliance called SuperTeam filled the winter months.

Now the snow is slowing melting away and with it all the crazy speculation. Now the green fields of truth and honor are rearing their majestic heads in the great state of Utah. And once again SuperTeam shall grace these fields in the highly coveted 3rd division. Yes, offers of new teams, endorsements, international prestige came to all on SuperTeam, but each player kindly refused. For SuperTeam shall PLAY here in Utah because we stand by our 4 P’s:

-Play for the love
-Play for no money
-Play for the fans
-Play locally

Some find our continued loyalty to Utah and the 3rd division moronic, but most find it inspirational. In a city suffering from Unemployment, Hunger, Increasing Homelessness, Corrupt Government, Continuing Terrorists Threats, Sexual Preditors, Y2K, Joblessness, Natural Disaters. How can we as humans leave this town when it needs us most. Some call us heroes, some call us saviors, some go as far to call us Gods, and to you that call us any of these things, we say to you, “you are completely right. We are all of the above.”

Super Team Returns this spring!

We have lost many players to injury, being lame and not wanting to play with us anymore, and being gay.  To honor those who have gone on to smaller and lamer things we have created the following high quality video montage.  One member Ed Ashton is not in the montage because he sucks.

Watch Now:

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The time for the game on the 14th has been changed from 1:45 to 2:15.  Please make sure to pass this on to all team members.  The location is still the West Jordan Soccer Complex Field S.